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It’s A Material World

It’s A Material World

Sveta Pais by Sveta Pais | Montessori Blog20 Sep, 2016

I have recently become aware that in the arena of Montessori parenting, I am quite the old fuddy-duddy. My first child was born in an age before the release of the iPhone 3G. Conversely, by the time my second child entered the Children’s House, I owned an iPhone larger than the size of her head!

picture of girl sewing
© Maria Montessori

In the olden days, circa 2008, I primarily relied on, for my Montessori information, the Prospective Parent classes at the Montessori School to which our daughter awaited admission. I read a handful of articles by Donna Bryant Goertz and a couple of books: Lillard and Jessen’s “Montessori from the Start,” and “The Absorbent Mind” by Maria Montessori. What I find nowadays, as I encounter those embarking on their Montessori journey, is parents who are inundated with “Montessori-inspired” information from blogs and social media. For some, this plethora of knowledge is useful, for others intimidating, but all too often I find it concerningly misleading or just plain inaccurate. It raises the question: How did I get by all those years in preparing a suitable home environment for my Montessori family, with nary a website in sight?

What is important to my Montessori experience, is access to a school that does very well in supporting parents in bridging their children’s lives between school and home. This support has less to do with materials provided the children- the premise of many a Montessori blog – but, rather, those intangible gifts that support and sustain a wholesome existence: adequate sleep, nutrition, time in nature, screen free living and a family culture where parents are present to their children and each other. The school calls this bridge “Partnership”.

For those Montessori families who do not have the benefit of such partnership, how do we cross that bridge? These are the basic lessons my husband and I took away from our children’s school, which helped us foster the culture of our Montessori home:

  1. In a Montessori home, all obstacles to the child’s struggle for independence and full participation are removed before adding anything. In her book, The Absorbent Mind, Dr. Montessori said that a child’s conquest for independence begins at birth, and that “the child will overcome every obstacle that he finds in his path”. If we believe this to be true, why not just remove obstacles to make a child’s path to independence that much less frustrating, and so much more rewarding? In our home, we have found obstacles to be our own agendas as adults, screens, a propensity to collect belongings that are manageable (or even helpful) for us as adults but are overwhelming and depriving for our children, and expectations of our children that are outside of what is developmentally possible.
  2. In a Montessori home, adults and children work to co-exist harmoniously. From the moment one enters our home, it is evident that children live here, and alongside them, adults. It’s not bright colors or presence of cartoon characters that indicate the lives of our children. Instead, their things are just things, made of natural materials, even fragile, but child size. Where child-size is not possible, like a sink or kitchen counter, there are stools for independence.
  3. In a Montessori home, the needs and the natural development of each child is honored. Being almost six years apart in age, our children will be in two different planes of development until adulthood. We respect this by creating individual spaces for each child, but provide opportunities for them to peacefully cohabitate with each other. For example, our 3-year-old has a small selection of books available in a way that makes it manageable for her to use and put away. In the cabinet next to her book sling is housed our 8-year-old’s set of World Book Encyclopedias. They share the comfortable chairs designated for reading.
  4. In a Montessori home, children are fully participating members of the family. We’ve all experienced those Christmas mornings when the new toys are ignored, but significant time is spent manipulating the boxes in which they were packaged. Certainly toys such as puzzles, blocks, balls, even dolls are enjoyed at our home, but it’s the “wavy chopper” (a child-safe knife) that gets most use. Everyone digs in when there is work to be done, and these are not “chores”; they are just part of our responsibilities as members of a family, and we refer to them as such.
  5. In a Montessori home, children have freedom of choice within a framework of firm and cheerful boundaries, set by their parents. Although the necessary self-regulation can be hard work for some parents, it is possible to hold our boundaries with our children in a friendly and respectful manner. There are times, for instance, when I am short on time and energy, and I want to cook dinner by myself, much to the consternation of my 3-year-old who wants to help. On those days, I have to check in with myself first, connect with my children, set my expectation of them without any ambiguity, and then get on with my task. Although handing her my mammoth phone for distraction would certainly be easier, what I would sadly lose is my daughter’s interest in working alongside me the next night in favor of a more addictive, albeit purposeless, pastime. These are the times when a home environment that is prepared for our children’s self-directed activity is worth even more than the effort in gold.
  6. In a Montessori home, and I should perhaps have put this at the top of the list, parents are continually working on being consistent with each other and with their children. When my husband and I married 13 years ago we were of different religious persuasions, and I found myself slightly offended by the writer Paul’s biblical assertion that “believers should be yoked to believers”. After having children, however, my eyes opened to Paul’s analogy of the wooden bar that “yoked” two oxen as they ploughed. Regardless of our beliefs or spiritual practices, the yoke symbolizes to me the constant communication that needs to occur between parents, so that the work they do together is lighter. With parents working as a united team, family life is mutually supported and joyful.
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©MariaMontessori.com

With my somewhat seasoned and old-fashioned experience as a Montessori parent, I am sometimes disheartened that the true essence of the Montessori philosophy is lost in an age of information and a culture of consumerism. Do our children need those toys which are suggested will “Montessori-fy” their lives, when the day goes by so much more pleasantly outside with a ball? And is there really such a thing as a “Montessori-friendly” television show or app, regardless of how steeped it is in reality?

I contend that we need to get back to basics, and provide for our children a home life that is rich in human connection, and one, as Dr. Montessori said, “invites the child to conduct his own experiences”. In a material world, the best we can offer our children is everything they need; and nothing that they don’t.

Filed Under: Montessori Blog Tagged With: blog, books, children, culture, development, environment, family, home, montessori, parents, school, time, toys

Sveta Pais

About Sveta Pais

Sveta Pais is a graduate of the London School of Economics and Political Science. She currently serves in the position of Parent Partnership Coordinator at Austin Montessori School. As part of the school's communications and Parent Education teams, Sveta works towards further articulating and actualizing the partnership between Austin Montessori School and its families. Sveta and her husband have two daughters and are about to embark on a new journey as parents of a child in Upper Elementary.

Reader Interactions

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  1. AvatarNancy a acevedo says

    September 20, 2016 at 10:20 am

    Nice

    Reply
  2. AvatarJohn Snyder says

    September 20, 2016 at 2:02 pm

    Great treatment of a very important topic. Keep writing, Sveta!

    Reply
  3. AvatarVictoria Priesmeyer says

    September 20, 2016 at 2:45 pm

    Timely and a follow up (for me) on an important topic touched upon at our community meeting last week. Thankful for your insight, Sveta.

    Reply
  4. AvatarJesse Jahnke says

    September 20, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    Yes! I love that ANY family can embrace these core values of organizing family life, regardless of circumstance. It really is easy to become overwhelmed trying to provide the THINGS you think your children need and lose sight of the WAYS OF BEING that free the child to develop to their full and most loving potential.

    Reply
  5. AvatarMunira Akhtar says

    September 20, 2016 at 9:21 pm

    Hello

    Amazing article .. Thank you for sharing it on fb

    I am a montessorian , with a passion of spreading the monetssori philosophy to as many parents as teachers as possible .. There are only few training centres in India . I and my team try to travel smaller cities and villages to spread the word. We realised that travelling is not enough , so we are in the process of making an online program which will be available to many more people .
    I need informative articles on the method .. can I please share your article with your permission on our page ?

    Regards
    Munira

    https://www.facebook.com/montessoriansunited/
    http://montessoriansunited.blogspot.in/

    Reply
  6. Avatarzarin malva says

    September 21, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    nice article
    need more of this from teachers too thanks zarin malva

    Reply
  7. AvatarGwen Logan says

    September 26, 2016 at 7:00 am

    Filling all available physical and temporal space is a byproduct of our cultural heritage. Forging ahead. Pioneering the unknown. Moving on up. Filling the void. We are programmed to “be the best.” This carries on to our parenting practices. It is sooo challenging to stay centered and clear. We pass the frantic need to have the best; have the latest and newest; have the latest trending whatever on to our children. This often creates clutter both in the concrete and abstract. Clutter often permeates our physical life and our spiritual life. I have found this to be a challenge. Coming from a background of “not being good enough” permeates and creates feeling of deficiency. You are doing an amazing thing in preparing an environment in which your family can grow and function. I admire this. The key is not to be “perfect” but to be aware, and to create space and time in this busy cluttered culture of ours.

    Reply
  8. AvatarAndy Lulka says

    September 26, 2016 at 7:25 am

    What a fantastic article about what it is to *be* a Montessori parent – or a connected parent, or a present parent, or a collaborative parent or whatever term you want to use.

    I especially love the emphasis on the relationship over the physical. I see this too – such pressure parents put on themselves to create the perfect nursery, have all the latest toys (and don’t get me started on apps, although there’s a big rant coming on those… I can feel it brewing), the perfect arts and crafts area, enrol is all the right programs…

    And our children benefit so much more from just being a part of our lives in a natural and integrated way… and we benefit so much more when we do the work we need to do on our own to allow that to happen… that’s the real beauty of parenting in this way. It’s about all of us becoming the best of our own selves. ❤

    Thanks, Sveta, for laying out for us!

    Reply
  9. AvatarJoy Winters says

    September 27, 2016 at 11:34 am

    Such a great reminder that less is often more when it comes to Montessori! Fewer words, fewer interruptions, fewer distractions and less time spent in front of screens allows for more meaningful connections, more opportunities for independence and more time spent enjoying the real world around us and all of the beautiful things it has to offer. Laying the foundation of a Montessori home takes conscious effort and perseverance on the parent’s part but the benefits we reap in the long run by doing so are more than worth it.

    Thanks for the great article, Sveta, you are an inspiration!

    Reply
  10. AvatarAlan says

    October 1, 2016 at 2:37 am

    Thank you for the article. I am a state school teacher (traditional) teacher but want to learn the Montessori way. Thank you for the introduction. I might try and buy Maria Montessori’s book.

    Reply
  11. AvatarSophie Cheg says

    October 20, 2016 at 10:51 pm

    I wish there are more Montessori parents like Sveta writing and sharing. Even though my son attends an AMI school, we find it rare to find fellow Montessori parents who understand the true essence of Montessori parenting. Thank you so much, Sveta! Please continue to write. My personal journey with Montessori reflect Sveta’s points here. The impression left by books such as Montessori from the Start and Absorbent Minds is very different from many Montessori blogs that overly emphasize on the materials to set up in a Montessori environment. When I follow the former, I am inspired and peaceful. Following the latter, I am overwhelmed and dissatisfied. Most importantly, my child rarely engages with things at a deep level. It is the connections that engage him. Telling true stories of our past or simply what happened today, requested by him over and over again, eventually results in him spontaneously repeating the story to us and reenacting the stories with his materials. I don’ find it surprising. Is it also not true for adults that we are truly happy when we have harmonious and positive relationship with each other?

    Reply

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