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12 Mar

All Day – All Year Montessori: A Living Community

Michele Aspinall by Michele Aspinall | Montessori Blog
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I love Montessori. Not merely the materials and the way that they call to each child at different stages of development. I love Montessori as a way of living. I love the endless opportunities that a Montessori environment offers each child who enters it. I love the way that the small community that is created accepts every new child as if he was a long-lost family member reunited. I love that the “oldest” children in the environment not only teach the youngest; they mentor, nurture, adore, and protect them. So, why tack on a Before or After school Program at the beginning and end of a child’s school day? Is it truly to suit the child or is it simply easier for the adults to sustain? Throughout the years, I have become a bit of a crusader of All Day Montessori. I am an advocate of eliminating before and after school care in Montessori schools in order to encourage all of these wonderful things to continue to grow into something that resembles a living community: All Day and ideally All Year.

Every day for the last twenty years I have been fortunate enough to call two very special places “home”. I can say with confidence that the children who I share my professional space with today also see it as a home away from home. How can I be so sure? Well, if you were to ask me the same question within the first five years of this very unstable All Day, All Year program I would have likely cried and then said that I wasn’t sure of anything on any given day. If it weren’t for those first terribly unsettling years, I would not be able to say with confidence that children who stay at school for longer hours than a traditional school day, are best served in a Montessori classroom ALL DAY LONG. Their classroom. Their space. Isn’t that what we might call authentic Montessori?

There is a need for longer hours at school. There is no disputing that. Parents are workers and workers are parents, both out of necessity and preference. That’s in large part because many families in today’s economy rely on two incomes in order to pay the bills. The traditional primary class model is one that provides a school day from 8:30 am-3:00 pm. In order to meet the needs of parents and their demanding work schedules, many schools today offer before and after-school care. We (Countryside Montessori School) started, as many do, with a daycare set-up that was offered in the morning before the children went to their Montessori environments and then again after school when class ended. We offered 7:00 am drop- off, which included a light breakfast (cereal, toast, etc.). Also offered, was 12:00 pm lunch drop-in, which included lunch for children too young to stay for extended day. Finally, there was also an after-school option of 3:00 pm – 6:00 pm. This before/after care room could accommodate approximately 35 children at one time. It was available year-round, and only closed on major holidays. Parents could sign-up for any or all of those options – some even on a daily basis. It was named “Care Club”. When Care Club began almost 40 years ago, it contained no Montessori materials. The room was equipped with books, puzzles, blocks and traditional toys. I began directing Care Club when I joined the Countryside staff thirty years ago.

As many daycares can become, the program was essentially a revolving door for adults. The children could never really be sure of who was coming and going. Keeping ground rules consistent was unrealistic. Adults aside, the number of transitions in the children’s day was enough to make anyone feel muddled. Try to imagine every two to three hours being asked to pack up all your stuff and move to another room after you have finally settled in.

The day went a little bit like this for most children in Care Club: Having been pulled out of bed early in order to get to school on time, most days started badly for many children. After breakfast, they played with toys for a short time and then were asked to gather their belongings (again) and head to their Montessori class. After the morning class, all non-extended day children would come back to the day care room to have lunch and nap. After naps, the youngest children would play for a bit and at 3:00pm the extended day and elementary children enrolled in daycare would join us. The daycare room was located in the middle of the school so there would often be groups of children walking past the room to go home. For the daycare children, this was yet another reminder that they were different. Looking back, it is so clear why they weren’t interested in becoming connected to anything . . . they were simply waiting. Waiting for someone to tell them where to go next.

At the time, it seemed to make sense that the children needed “a break” in their day and the way to meet that need was to supply them with material that you’d find in their homes. Toys! As far as the toy selections in Care Club . . . well, they were endless. Subsequently, I felt that if I skimmed back and really focused on making good choices to place in the room, it would make a difference in the children’s behavior. I brought in toys and games that involved concentration and cooperation. However, it didn’t take long to figure out that it made little difference what kind of toy I put on the shelves . . . the children were equally abusive with each one. I’ll be honest with you, it didn’t feel right or even comfortable, but it was representative of how we often see children interact with each other in similar settings. Also, at this time I was not yet Montessori trained. It simply didn’t occur to me that it could be better.

There was something different about the day-care children, this was apparent. They were detached and uninspired with their daycare environment as well as their Montessori classrooms. In the daycare environment they bickered, damaged materials, they were careless and uninterested; in the classroom, they were only concerned with being with each other and waiting for Care Club to begin. What were the children trying to tell us? We continued to observe and explore, exhausting many possibilities along the way. We tried: adding more toys, limiting toys, adding service-oriented tasks for the All-Year elementary, and finally bringing in some practical life-type activities. After all of our best attempts failed, it was time to seek outside assistance. This day, I remember like no other. This is the day Carol Alver turned my world upside down . . . in a good way. I recall vividly when Carol and I sat down to talk about Care Club. I thought she would give me a few enlightening suggestions on how to make some minor tweaks to the program. This was not the case. In a nutshell, Carol said that it all had to go. The toys, the games, the “Day Care” environment had to go. She proposed that we create an All-Year Montessori environment with hours that would accommodate working parents, but most importantly provide the children with a place that they could call their own. I was rattled and fairly uncertain if I had a job the following day.

The school, however, was intrigued. We were not in the position to make the changes that were necessary to do it the right way. So I continued on, doing my best to offer the children an enriching Day Care environment. In the meantime, I also decided to embark on the AMI primary training. At the same time, our Head of School, Annette Kulle charged Wendy Calise, our Educational Director, with the responsibility of devising a daycare program that was pedagogically sound. She was specifically not to be influenced by the needs of parents; the realities of staffing; the space for such a program; the cost of such a program; or even whether we wanted to do such a program. While I kept myself busy with the training, Wendy was doing her own homework on how to make Carol’s idea work.

Two years later we took the plunge. These were the parameters that were devised for a new All-Year environment:

  • All children enrolled in AYM would be in one class. This would mean pulling the day care children from other primary classes and forming a new fourth class
  • The daycare hours would be shortened, taking a half an hour off each end of the day
  • There was no reason that children should not be in a Montessori environment all day long
  • Transitions needed to be limited
  • Three staff members for the All-year class were sufficient, one trained directress and two full-time assistants
  • In order for the All-Year Montessori teacher to not feel 2nd class – her number of days off would be the same as all other teachers in the school
  • The class size would be 30 – 35 children
  • AYM would need more space than a traditional class
  • The room would be designed so that no other children would need to pass through to go home
  • There would be a place (vestibule) for parents to wait when picking up their children
  • There would be a full kitchen
  • And finally, the program needed to be pedagogically sound

There was no doubt that these children were particularly sensitive to transition. Consequently, I made certain that there were few variations that occurred in their day. However, I really wanted to make their day seamless. Not an easy task with so many hours to consider. Also, there weren’t many successful models to follow. There seems to still remain many educators who feel that children need constant change to keep their interest. We had learned first hand in Care Club that it couldn’t be farther from the truth. So this is what I did . . . I observed. And then when I thought I had enough information, I observed some more. Through my observations, I had discovered countless shifts throughout the school day that were not only disruptive but robbed the children of the ownership that they needed in order to finally settle into THEIR class.

The All-Year class is almost 20 years old and in the best place it has ever been. Currently, the class consists of thirty-five children. We are open from 7:30 – 5:30m, 245 days a year. I continue to be the directress in the environment, and I have two assistant teachers. As previously mentioned, this place has become a home away from home for me and for hundreds of children over the years. As difficult as it was in the beginning to make the change, I can’t imagine working and living in any other environment.

When pondering the idea of Montessori all-day long it would be foolish to not reflect on the very first Children’s House. In 1906 Montessori worked with a group of sixty young children of working parents in the San Lorenzo district of Rome. It was there that she founded the first Casa, essentially what we now are calling All-Year Montessori. ‘There is a great sense of community within the Montessori classroom, where children of differing ages work together in an atmosphere of cooperation rather than competitiveness. There is respect for the environment and for the individuals within it, which comes through experience of freedom within the community.’ Dr. Maria Montessori (cited in Elizabeth Hainstock, 1986, p. 81 – The Essential Montessori). I am living in a community such as this every day. It allows the younger child to experience the daily incentive of older role models, who in turn flourish through the responsibility of leadership. This cycle is continuous, as those being mentored successively aspire to be the role model. Three to six-year-olds remaining in the same class ALL DAY innately eliminates all titles that the children naturally impose on each other. There are no morning children, extended day kids, or even “kindergarten” labels. They are all in it together . . . everyday. They are classmates. They are friends. They become a family. This environment also promotes the understanding that children not only learn ‘with’ each other but ‘from’ each other, minimizing the need for adult guidance and intervention. The peer teaching in an all year environment has limitless boundaries. The robust sense of community allows the children to become confident in their environment and in themselves, using the knowledge and skills they acquire to express their own ideas and creativity. It assists them in recognizing their value, to respect the creative process of others, and develop a willingness to share, regardless of the risks.

On any given morning, the delicious fragrances of cinnamon French toast, multi-grain waffles, banana pancakes or cheesy skillet scrambled eggs can be enjoyed throughout the halls of the school. As early as 7:30 am, parents escort children into a vestibule that leads into our AYM class. After good-byes are said at the entrance, the child walks independently into the classroom and the parent sets off to work. The child then tends to his belongings and walks into the kitchen area that is adjoining the class. At this time, he has the choice of either having the hot breakfast that is being prepared by his peers or beginning his day in the class. Once breakfast is made and all morning responsibilities have been fulfilled, the children sit to eat family-style. Some words of thanks for the bountiful meal are shared and then thirty-something children begin their feast. Conversation, laughter, and quiet reflection can all be observed during breakfast all year round. It is a perfect way to ease into a day.

As children finish up and breakfast comes to a close, there is more activity just beginning in the classroom. Children arriving after 8:00 am have already eaten breakfast at home and oftentimes are the ones preparing the class for readiness. In an All Day environment where we want the children to ultimately claim complete ownership, it is essential that they partake in the everyday class preparatory tasks that traditionally the adults are accustomed to completing. A variety of work can be observed in AYM anytime between 8:30 and 11:30; the traditional Montessori materials are in constant use as well as activities such as: baking snack for the class, tending to the garden, watercolor painting or cleaning an animal cage. By 10:30 am the children have already emptied the dishwasher twice. In addition, the laundry has been loaded, unloaded and folded for lunch preparation. In every corner of the room, real, purposeful activity can be observed. A living, working community.

Around 11:30 am a few children slowly begin to wash up and wander into the dining area once again to begin lunch set-up. At 11:45 there still may be a child finishing up a word with the moveable alphabet that he is anxious to get down on his rug before joining us for lunch. There is no hurry we have time. Preparation, eating, and clean up takes us close to an hour and a half. Mealtime is an opportunity for growth. Grace and Courtesy lessons have become as important to me as any other tangible material that can be found on the shelves of the classroom. These are life lessons. They are critical in order to maintain peace and harmony within a very extended day together.

After our second meal of the day, we retreat to our backyard. Most of the children in AYM are at school for ten hours a day. Outdoor play is a must, no matter what the weather brings. A few of the very youngest children who need an afternoon nap settle in shortly after some time outside. The oldest children are partnered up with the youngest to tuck them in, sing a song or rub their backs for comfort. When the others are ready to come in from outside, we gather for a few minutes to discuss the day or what’s to come in that particular week. We then begin our second three-hour work period of the day. This is commonly when I observe the most focused work, sometimes from the youngest in the class. It is not unusual to see a child completely engaged in his work at 5:00 pm. For the last hour, the All Year Elementary children typically go outside or to the gym for some large movement. A handful of the three to six year olds who need large movement join the elementary students. The primary children truly value their time with the elementary group. It is another wondrous occasion for peer teaching to take place on a different level.

I am still faced with some apprehension and a smidge of resistance when visiting schools who are considering an All Day model in replacement of their before and aftercare. The hesitance is typically coming from the staff, the teachers who will ultimately have to make the shift from a traditional school day. I get it. Change is hard. Most of us today live in places that lack community. Neighborhoods aren’t what they used to be. Parents and children aren’t home long enough to develop the kinds of relationships with their neighbors that we had long ago. That’s why it’s so crucial that we help to nurture and inspire the children who stay at school for longer hours to develop a community within our Montessori classrooms. Being involved in a community of friends is vital in the growth and development of our children. Community offers support, a sense of belonging, a strong sense of self and of connection. The children feel emotionally and physically safe and valued; they develop social abilities and have a sense of sharing and caring for each other. Let’s work together to continue to create and develop these All Day/All Year communities. Anything of real value is worth the struggle. The children certainly are.

Filed Under: Montessori Blog Tagged With: all day, all year, breakfast, children, class, community, environment, school, traditional

02 Dec

Why We Choose Our Words with Children Carefully

Donna Bryant Goertz by Donna Bryant Goertz | Montessori Blog
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When it comes to language, our school can seem a little eccentric, well maybe quite eccentric, annoyingly so or amusingly so. Why do we choose our words so carefully and care about their use so deeply? The language we use has its roots in our ways of thinking and being. The language we use in maintaining appropriate limits and boundaries with our children reflects our thoughts and attitudes as parents in relationship with our children. When we are mindful of our language and choose our words with intention, we can explore our thoughts and attitudes and improve our relationship with our children.

Most advice about maintaining limits and boundaries is consistent in a certain way, yet when we look into the language used to give the advice we see important differences in attitude. For example, most advice on limits and boundaries tells us to stand firm and hold the line in regard to limits and boundaries. After thinking through and putting into place the structure of our child’s life, taking into account developmental needs and family culture, we set the limits and draw the boundaries in such a way that our child has freedom to develop appropriately within them. We put in place support and we remove obstacles. Then we hold the line; we remain firm in a friendly but sure manner.

There are, however, subtle differences between holding the line as a reasonable and strong adult and holding the line as the willful challenge or spiteful confrontation of an adult with residual issues of our own unresolved childhood. When we hold the line appropriately, we show respect and good will toward our child. We avoid angry power struggles and humiliating shows of force. We merely hold the line in a firm but friendly way. When we try to hold the line with our child in a willful and oppositional manner, we create a pattern of power struggles and increase the conflict in family life.

Three Different Responses

It may help to look at one scenario handled in three different ways.

Response one: Parent fails to hold the line

Response two: Parent holds the line confrontationally

Response three: Parent holds the line with good cheer and firm resolve

The Setting: Parent and three to five year old child shopping for books in the bookstore.

Parent Response One       

Failing to maintain limits or “Giving in”

Our child is at first begging for the sort of book we are not willing to have in our home. She begins to whine. We then ask her to choose now from a wide selection of books that are appropriate to our family culture. We recognize that the child is becoming tired and stressed, maybe hungry. It is time to go to the car for a nutritious snack and get home to relax. She clutches the inappropriate book to her chest saying it’s the only one she wants. We tell her we will walk to the cash register now and pay for the book we have chosen for ourselves. We say we will count on her to come along with one of the seven books that fit our family culture. She begins to roll around on the carpet and kick. We walk toward the door with our book. She doesn’t come. The child is expressing a display of emotion, what is called a temper tantrum.

We go back and pick her up and carry her. She goes rigid and grits her teeth. She is still clutching the book we will not let her have. “Oh, well,” we think, “she’s tired and hungry and this is embarrassing. Poor thing, she’s so upset.” So we say to our child, “Well okay then, you can have the book, but just this once, but next time you must select from among the books that fit the family culture.”

Results

The child’s outside response may be tearful glee, but deep inside she feels insecure. In her depth she knows she needs us to be strong and firm for her. She feels a sick sense of power unfitting for a young child. She has pushed against a limit that she needs to find firm and strong. She discovers that there is no one stronger or surer than she, and she’s only four years old. She feels vulnerable, and she feels disdain for us. She cannot trust us or rely on us. We have let her down. Where can she find the protection and loving care she needs and deserves?

In this case the parent shows little self-discipline and weak resolve. We put excuses above our child’s development. We let our insecurity and embarrassment overcome us. We frighten the child by showing her she can overpower us with an emotional display. The child may learn that being out of control is a productive strategy in life. She will continue to seek the security from the adult by acting out. Our ability to act with clarity and our comfort with providing limits allows the child to feel held emotionally. If we are able to do so, she feels safe. If we respond to an emotional display with frantic appeasement this causes a child to feel abandoned. The behavior will then escalate.

Afterward we may feel “guilty that we have given in.” We feel defeated and angry with ourselves. Not only have we let our child down, we have also let ourselves down. Finally, we have let the whole family down. By using this response the child learns to use an unhealthy strategy. We have provided our child with an example of weakness of character and a lack of integrity. We then may ask ourselves, “How will my child develop integrity if I fail to model it for her?”

Parent Response Two

Traditional Confrontational Authoritarian Approach

The scene starts out as above. We are in a bookstore. She is at first begging for the sort of book we are not willing to have in our home. Then she begins to whine. We ask her to choose now from a wide selection of books that are appropriate. It is time to go to the car for a healthy snack and get home to relax. She clutches the book to her chest saying it’s the only one she wants. We tell her we will walk to the cash register now and pay for the book you have chosen for ourselves. So far so good! She begins to wail.

As the authoritarian, we say we will not give in to her and that’s that. She must do as we say and take one of the seven books that fit our family and home culture, or she can just do without. We state that we mean business. And what’s more if she doesn’t watch out she will not get anything! At this point, she begins to roll around on the carpet and kick. Our response is to let her know that if she thinks this will get her anywhere, we’ll show her how wrong she is. We are going home without any books. We let her know how sorry she will be. Maybe she’ll learn her lesson then. We walk toward the door with our book. She doesn’t come.

We go back and pick her up and carry her saying, “You think Mommy’s going to give in but I will never give in to you when you whine and cry and throw tantrums.” She goes rigid and grits her teeth. She is still clutching the book that we will not let her have. We are thinking, “I’m not going to give in to her. She’s not going to get away with this.” We say, “You just see if I bring you back to the bookstore again!” We pay for our own book. She refuses to give up the book in her hands. We must wrest the book from her hands and leave it with the cashier. Now she screams okay, okay, that she wants one of the other books. We say after a tantrum like that, she’s not getting any books for a long, long time. I’ll come to the bookstore by myself from now on. You’ll be sorry; you’ll see. You’re not getting away with that kind of behavior. We carry her to the car screaming and kicking.

The following week we plan another trip to the bookstore, but this time we say she cannot come in because she’s not getting away with that behavior. One of us goes in alone and picks a book for her while the other one takes her to the park. She asks when she can go to the bookstore again and we say we don’t know, maybe never, but at least not for a long, long time. We say, “You are not getting away with that kind of behavior. What made you think you could get away with that? Remember all that screaming? Next time maybe you’ll listen when we say ‘no.’ If you don’t mind Mommy, you see what you get—nothing!” Our child thinks or says, “You’re mean and I hate you!”

Results

Even though the parent’s attitude in this approach at first may seem a better alternative to giving in, the language often used in this approach infers we think the child is basically untrustworthy. It assumes her motives are unworthy. It creates and reflects a relationship of power struggle and opposition. It shows that we mean to get the upper hand because we must shape the child or even break the child’s will.

We think to ourselves: We didn’t let her get away with it. We kept the upper hand. We showed her who is boss. She won’t try that again. In following the traditional approach, we may soon wonder why we don’t feel better than we do. Might there be another way? Eventually, this may lead us to do the opposite—to give in—because we recognize we are not coming from the right place. As a result, our child may feel overwhelmed, totally confused or abandoned.

Our child feels overpowered and angry, but she may also be feeling wily. She has feelings of revenge. Setting limits and drawing boundaries with anger and opposition result in our child feeling helpless and hopeless against a powerful opponent. She begins to realize she must be wily and conniving for the future. Instead of feeling like engaging in collaborative problem solving, she feels as if her parent and she were on opposite sides of a big fight. She then views her parent as an obstacle not a resource.

Parent Response Three

A Montessori Approach – Good Cheer and Firm Resolve

Be a person of your word! This maintains boundaries and provides limits from an attitude of respect and does so with good cheer! This language says that we have thought things through before we have spoken and that we mean what we say. It reflects a relationship of trust and respect for appropriate development and the value of limits and boundaries. It provides the child with a feeling of being cared for even when things are challenging.

Let’s apply this better advice to the same ordinary scene with a three to five year-old.

The setting is as above. We are shopping for books and trying to make choices with our child.

Again the child is expressing a display of emotion commonly called a temper tantrum. She is begging for the sort of book we are not willing to have in our home. Then she begins to whine. We ask her to choose now from a wide selection of books that are appropriate. Simultaneously, we recognize that we have to get her to the car for a nutritious snack and home to relax. She clutches the book to her chest saying it’s the only one she wants. We tell her we will walk to the cash register now and pay for the book we have chosen for ourselves. We say we will count on her to come along with one of the seven books that fit your family and home culture. She begins to roll around on the carpet and kick. We walk toward the door with our book. She does not follow.

She goes rigid and grits her teeth after we pick her up to carry her. She is still clutching the book that we will not let her have. Now is the time to check our thinking. We avoid thinking, “We’re not going to give in to her.” Instead we think, “We’re people of our word. We’re going to show her that she can trust us. We mean what we say.” We pay for our own book. She refuses to give up the book in her hands. We must remove the book from her hands and leave it with the cashier. Now she screams she wants one of the other books. We don’t allow ourselves to get sidetracked by her new approach. The time for her to respect the limits is before the display not after it. We say we will come back another day when she and we are sure that she can handle the limits more appropriately. We carry her to the car screaming and kicking.

The following week we plan another trip to the bookstore, but this time one of us goes in alone and picks a book for her while the other one takes her to the park. We say that we are sure she’ll be ready to choose from among the books that fit our family really soon; maybe next time. We ask her what sort of book she’d most like us to buy for her. This shows her we do want to include her.

We practice with her at home what it will be like week after next when we would like to take her in to the bookstore again. We role-play the scene of her wanting a book that she may not have. We role-play how to express disappointment and even anger appropriately in a bookstore.

Results

We think to ourselves and say to one another: We are people of integrity. We are trustworthy. We mean what we say. Our words and actions express our respect for ourselves and our child. We maintain boundaries with strength and good cheer.

Our child feels safe and secure. She can trust us. We set limits and draw boundaries that benefit her development and we maintain them with determination and good cheer. It feels good to her to press against the limits with all her might. Pushing hard on the boundaries and finding these to be reliable and predictable creates a safe emotional space for growing. We feel good. We can live together like this. It feels right.

Reflection

As parents, all of us can aim to be the best in our relationship with our child. Carving out enough time for planning helps achieve mindfulness in our responses to our children. Consciously setting our intention and planning what will assist us in being able to positively support the child when she needs us most.

We give our children the most of the best moments we can manage. However, we human beings occasionally slip when stressed, hurried, harried and tired. We do our best. Our children need for us to be just good enough, not rigidly perfect. When we do achieve this ability, our children get a glimpse of how they can be with their children in the future. Our children don’t know this yet, but they are storing up our best moments for their own families.

Filed Under: Montessori Blog Tagged With: adult, attitude, authoritarian, begging, behavior, boundaries, confrontation, emotional, family, firm, holding the line, kicking, language, limits, montessori, opposition, resolve, responses, screaming, strong, struggle, temper tantrum, traditional

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